Starting a kōrero can feel tricky but by checking in and sharing what you’ve noticed you could make a massive difference to how they’re feeling. Check out the steps below to help guide your chat.
Sometimes we may notice that something is not quite right with a mate, a loved one or even ourselves. In these times it’s important to be brave and have a conversation, because one-person noticing can make a huge difference. One way to do this is using the A.L.E.C model: Ask, Listen, Encourage, Check back in.
Use simple open questions. “How are you doing?” or “what’s been going on lately?”
Be specific about what you’ve noticed. “You seem quieter than usual, is everything ok?”
Ask again. If someone says they’re OK but your gut tells you differently, ask again later.
Use simple open questions. “How are you doing?” or “what’s been going on lately?”
Be specific about what you’ve noticed. “You seem quieter than usual, is everything ok?”
Ask again. If someone says they’re OK but your gut tells you differently, ask again later.
Encourage action by asking. “What’s something that has helped in the past?” or “How could I support you?”
Support them to find help. If they’ve been feeling that way for two weeks or more, it might be time to speak to an expert. Let them know you can do that together.
Lock in time to catch up again. Make sure you take responsibility to lock-in when you’ll catch up next, be specific about a day and time.
Set your own reminder. Before you catch up next, set a reminder on your phone to text and check in on how they are.
Knowing how to start a conversation when you’re worried about a mate or family member can be tough. The tips below are a good place to start to help make having a conversation easier for both of you:
Try asking open-ended questions such as “How are you feeling?”, “What makes you think that?”, “Can you describe that a little more?”
The next step is to support them to get help if they need it. Have a look below for information on how to do that.
If you or your friend think they need help with how they’re feeling, talk to them about the possibility of asking for help. You could suggest they talk to a family member, a coach, their GP or someone they trust.
They could also look at the list of support services they can contact if they feel uncomfortable talking to someone they know. See that list here.
If the first person doesn’t work, then help them to find another. You can find a lot of different information and helpful tips on this website that will make things a little easier for them, as well as helping you understand more too.
Whether you’re a partner, parent, coach or someone who spends time around rugby and those who play, it can be challenging to know how best to support the person you care about.
Even though you might be able to see when things are going wrong it can be difficult to start a conversation, especially if you’re not sure how they’ll react.
Some of the tips on this website can be extremely useful. If you would like to know more about some of the ways you can offer support, have a look at some of the information for parents, coaches and partners.
There are certain red flags that should never be ignored, especially if they persist for more than a couple of weeks:
Feelings of worthlessness, a loss of enjoyment in life, or a bleak outlook on the future.
Sleep issues, significant weight changes, or an uptick in substance use.
A surge in negative thoughts, feeling swamped, or persistent sadness.
Behavioural shifts that strain work or home relationships, or withdrawing from loved ones.
Feeling cut off from the environment or like you don't quite fit in.
